watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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