My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
