Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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