either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
