I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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