"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
