I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
