I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
