woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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