im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
