I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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