I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
