He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
