You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
