Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
