can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
