Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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