awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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