is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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