He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
