im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
