last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
3pm strippers are depressing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
