tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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