drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
