Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
