I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
