wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will be naked everywhere
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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