Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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