1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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