In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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