You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
