naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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