Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
