Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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