I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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