Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She bit a glass in half.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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