Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vagina is officially offended.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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