I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
