Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
