seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize