i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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