i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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