hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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