last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize