but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
