yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
