I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
