I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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