oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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