hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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