I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
