Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That accounts for only three of the penises
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
