Will you blow on my dice?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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