and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
