for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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