You really coming over, don't trick.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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