The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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