I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
