the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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