btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
