I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
