I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
