Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
