Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
