I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
