It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
