Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
