I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
