Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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