Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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