Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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