i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize