Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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