So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
