Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
