I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize