So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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