and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
