my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
