Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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