dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
