walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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