Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
