im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize