We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My vagina is officially offended.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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