I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
