doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
