Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
