You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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