my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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