Porn is love you can see.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How external is "for external use only"?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
